Dear New Mom...

     Our church has a really cool tradition.  When there is a soon-to-be first time mom, some of the new moms in the congregation take her out to dinner and answer any questions she might have, give advice, and just love on her.  Some super sweet friends did this for me a few weeks before Henry was born, and tonight I am going to another new mom's dinner.  I have been a mother for nearly 8 weeks...does this qualify me to give advice?  I thought about this a lot today, and here's the best advice I could come up with:  "I don't know what I'm doing.  You won't either. Any new mom who says she has it all together is a big fat liar."

   Strange advice?  Maybe.  But it is seriously the most helpful thing anyone could say to a new mom.  It seems like everyone else knows what they are doing.  They are out and about with perfectly styled hair, in their pre-pregnancy jeans, with their blissfully sleeping child (who, OMG,  slept through the night at 1 week old!!).  It seems like everyone frolics around picking flowers and doing special craft projects with their perfectly behaved children.  Meanwhile, I am wearing dirty, oversized basketball shorts because that's all that fits me, a t-shirt covered with spit up, and my hair is still wet from the shower I took yesterday morning.  My eyebrows need to be plucked, I can't remember if I have brushed my teeth today, and there is a mountain of clean laundry waiting to be put away.  It's been waiting to be put away for several days now.  I am holding my son who did not sleep for more than 1 1/2 hours at a time last night, and his fingernails are dirty despite getting a bath just an hour ago.

    Last week my dear husband woke up to me sitting in bed crying.  I felt like all my baby did was cry, I couldn't give him enough to eat, and I was pretty sure Henry hated me.  Sweet Sam is the perfect combination of "I love you, you're a great mom", and "suck it up and get it together."  He pointed out that no one talks about the hard stuff.  You never hear anyone say that they constantly second-guess themselves and have really crappy days.  And he's right.

     I love to read mom blogs, and you only read about how great life is and get to look at pictures of perfect children.  I have been guilty of the same.  That day Sam talked to another new dad.  The other dad mentioned that his wife asked him to come home early from work because she was having a hard day with her baby and needed help.  WHAT?  This woman is super-mom!  She looks so sweet, calm, and positive all the time.  Her son is well-behaved and I have never heard him cry.  And she needs help?!  I am sorry she was having a hard day, but this was the best thing I could have heard.

   We all have hard days and need help!  We are expected to act like every second of new motherhood is AMAZING, breastfeeding is a blast, and those 3am screaming fits are such great bonding times.  To admit otherwise makes you feel like a really bad person.  It shouldn't be that way.  Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom.  I love my son more than I thought was even possible.  I love watching him change and grow, love his new tricks, love every little perfect inch of him.   But you know what?  Sometimes I get frustrated.  Some moments are not glorious.  Sometimes your child is going to completely destroy a diaper and poop is going to creep up his back during church.  Then he will spend the rest of church wearing just a diaper because his pants are dirty.   (I want to give a shout-out to Michelle Percival for so graciously helping me clean up this one.)  Your child might get fussy and get loud gas during your grandfather's funeral.  They might scream uncontrollably during newborn pictures. It's ok.  We've all been there.

      I didn't realize how incredibly different each and every baby is.  So what works for others and their babies, may not work for you.  The second night I was in the hospital, Henry was crying uncontrollably and I couldn't stop him.  A nurse stuck her head in and said, "Your baby is crying." (Yes, I am aware of that, thank you.) "You need to swaddle him."  Go ahead, try to swaddle my son.  He will karate chop you in the face.   I also love the "put them in their crib and let them cry for a few minutes, then they will go to sleep" advice.  Nope.  Henry cries for hours.  Literally, hours, until he makes himself sick.  He's persistent, I'll give him that much.  In the end, the little stuff doesn't matter.  It does not matter if you use a DiaperGenie or put diapers in a trashcan in the garage.  It does not matter what brand of diaper, bottle, or butt paste you use.  It doesn't matter how often your baby needs a pacifier.  It does not matter if you give them a bath in the sink or your bathtub.  So new mom, listen to the advice everyone gives you.  And then do what works for you.

And now, some of the best parts of my day:

Baby toes in the grass

Talking and sweet smiles

Playing in the front yard